Kate asked that I update you on her treatment. We flew to Utah on Wednesday, the 15th. Kate did well on the flight considering it was her first one and the circumstances. Of course, the special issue of People magazine about Glee provided some excellent reading! We arrived at the Center for Change about 3 p.m. local time. Tim and I were able to meet her therapist, dietitian and several staff members. It is a very nice facility. We took a tour of the facility before we left for our return flight. Their philosophy for treatment is holistic and experiential. They have a dance/movement room, Art Therapy room, exercise room and even a Music Therapy room. (my favorite) The family rooms are large open rooms with fireplaces, floor to ceiling windows that overlook courtyards and have the mountains in the background. It was a very peaceful setting. She can receive emails at clients@centerforchange.com but won't be able to respond to any for awhile. Be sure and put her name in the subject line of all emails. She can also receive snail mail at Center for Change, 1790 N State St., Orem UT 84057. I'll pass on information regarding phone calls as I figure it out. She will not have phone or computer access for quite a while. I know she will appreciate any mail and emails, as she was dreading not being able to keep in touch with family.
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9.17.2010
9.11.2010
A recap of the past year and a glimpse into the future
I am not sure where to begin. I guess I will start with where I am now and what my coming weeks/months look like. My therapist is recommending inpatient treatment again and soon I will be leaving to go to Utah to a facility called The Center for Change.
I tried outpatient and managed to tread w
ater for the two months I’m home but I am relapsing (it’s hard for me to admit this) quickly and I need more help. I do not want to ever be where I was when I entered Laureate (physically and emotionally) and that is why it is time to act now.
I haven’t really talked about my journey this past year. I thought for my blog I maybe could give you a synopsis of all that has happened from September 22, 2009 when I admitted into Laureate until now. It’s hard for me to share the stuff that follows but I thought maybe understanding what I think and feel about my illness would be more beneficial than the many articles that are available to read. I’m going to share some of the hope that I experienced at laureate. I journaled constantly there and what follows is some excerpts from my journal when I grew and changed and found hope. This is as be
neficial for me as it is to anyone reading. I need to remember that I have hope in the days ahead.
Warning: This is a long entry but I am leaving and will be out of touch for a month or more and for some reason I felt this was important to share.
October 1st 2009: Today my head has been clear than it has been in months. You ask so much of me Lord. Trust, loss of control, conquering my fears, facing my heart…the list goes on and on. At this point I can only pray I have the strength to face what comes into the days ahead.
October 6th 2009: I don’t know who I am anymore. Do I want to be free? Or do I want to be constrained? Do I want attention? Or do I despise it? Do I trust people? Or do I distrust them? Who AM I? I don’t know if this answer will come from my parents, therapists, peers, covenant group or somewhere else entirely. All I know is that I can you, Lord to help me find myself.
October 28th 2009: Today is my birthday and for the first time since January and possibly before I am beginning to anticipate my future and my life.
November 4th 2009: I want this fear that paralyzes me to be gone. I want to be free
. I want to be self confident, self loving, caring and a Christ follower. I want the power that Jen (my therapist) talks of. I want control of my life in a safe, healthy and trusting way.
November 12th 2009: I am such a mixture of things. Fear and comfort, panic and peace, shame and pride, guilt and self-respect. Life is hard, Lord and I have hidden for far too long.
November 26th 2009 (middle of the night): It’s time for me to surrender oh Lord. Perhaps it is time for me to ask you to help get me through those moments when the eating disorder looks more appealing than health, life and relationships. I no longer want to just go through the motions and use my maladaptive coping skills. I want to discovery my voice, rediscover my passions and find out exactly who I am.
December 6th 2009: Today was a day of forming relationships amidst the strong voic
e of my eating disorder. At times the eating disorder voice was louder but tonight I feel like Kate won.
December 17th 2009: I found out today that I get to go home for Christmas! Ashlee also visited tonight. She reminded me of my passions, of the potential and assurance of peace, love and comfort. I’m becoming ready to leave.
I discharged about a month after this journal entry and moved into Magnolia House. I did not journal much during this time and to be honest I struggled a lot at Mag House. Although, I did learn to experience relationships, laugh, run around the house while playing a game and be ok with being ok (sounds simple but a challenge all on it's own). I did take a small step backwards and returned to full time programming for three weeks in June upon discharge which I returned home.
This is where my life becomes interesting. I adopted Shona shortly after arriving home. She has been a great blessing and has been the perfect fit. Right now she lies curled up nex
t to me and just feeling her warm body against mine is a comfort. Shona and I attended the Salt City Splash and swam with other dogs and people shortly before I moved to Wichita to live with the Shooks. Unfortunately, I was not emotionally ready for school and now I am home waiting for treatment. I loved living with the Shooks and am looking forward to returning second semester (if I’m invited lol)…
So now: I prepare for treatment. It is a lot of waiting, fighting the eating disorder voice in my head, tears and despair as insurance seems cruel and unjust most of the time and attending numerous appointments.
This treatment experience is going to be different. For one thing I will be 16 hours away. And for another I will have limited contact with the outside world. Snail mail is going to be my friend. I will not have my cell phone or access to email for a time.
I hope I am not imposing but I would like to perhaps tell you what helps me. Please don’t feel obligated but I am learning to ask for support. Sometimes I just need a voice to listen to. A reminder that I have hope and things to live for. People who love me and a dog that needs me. Stories or cards to make me laugh and sometimes heartfelt messages that make me cry. I want to be treated normally.
I love this family. We have so much strength individually and when combined I believe we are a force to be reckoned with. This time as I go away to treatment I hope I can leave with your strength behind me a well. I believe that with all of our prayers and strength I have hope to recover.
9.05.2010
Tim and Vicki
Hello to All!
It's our turn - hmmmm - what to write:)
Tim:
What's new: He's working on the master's program at Southwestern. They need 5-6 students to sign up. He says it seems like it's slow going as he learns how to market, recruit and develop curriculum all at once. He's working with the President and architects for the auditorium renovation. He is "director-elect" for MTNA which means he will be on the national board of directors. He's working on his health. The doctor was pleased with his much better cholesterol and sugar readings.
What continues: He has 15 private piano students and is teaching an adult Bible class at church.
Vicki:
What's new: She is finding out travel info concerning shots and tabulating what everyone wants to see when we visit Andrew. She painted the basement (thanks to Grandma for her help) and two rooms have new carpet. She will be crowd control for 1/2 hour in the Jr high room for G force. Prayers for calm teens are welcome! Kate is staying with us Tues to Thurs while attending Friends Univ. Kate and Shonna have been great fun and Ember is learning to share:)
What continues: She is working Mon-Tues until 3, Wed until 12 and Thurs-Fri until 5.
She will be working with the bells again at Ascension.
To Consider:
I have been thinking about birthday shopping for next year (2011). Now that the 4th generation is arriving, I think the 2nd and 3rd generations should end birthday gifts. (Cards are still welcome!) That way you 3rd generation folks can purchase for nieces and nephews instead of aunts and uncles. Baby gifts and kid books are much more fun than black socks and wooden spoons!!:)
To Share:
I'm not very philosophical so here are a couple of tidbits from other writers.
(1)Tell people that there are 400 billion stars and they'll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint and they'll have to touch it. (2) Sign posted in a school cafeteria: Shoes are Required to Eat in the Cafeteria. Handwritten underneath:
Socks can eat wherever they like. (3) What do you call a cat that sings just like Pavarotti? Mewsical. (4) A man was greeted by his wife, who always had a cheerful word for him when he came home from work. "Guess what?" she said. "of our five children, four of them did not break an arm today!"
Have a good week!. Love Vicki and Tim
It's our turn - hmmmm - what to write:)
Tim:
What's new: He's working on the master's program at Southwestern. They need 5-6 students to sign up. He says it seems like it's slow going as he learns how to market, recruit and develop curriculum all at once. He's working with the President and architects for the auditorium renovation. He is "director-elect" for MTNA which means he will be on the national board of directors. He's working on his health. The doctor was pleased with his much better cholesterol and sugar readings.
What continues: He has 15 private piano students and is teaching an adult Bible class at church.
Vicki:
What's new: She is finding out travel info concerning shots and tabulating what everyone wants to see when we visit Andrew. She painted the basement (thanks to Grandma for her help) and two rooms have new carpet. She will be crowd control for 1/2 hour in the Jr high room for G force. Prayers for calm teens are welcome! Kate is staying with us Tues to Thurs while attending Friends Univ. Kate and Shonna have been great fun and Ember is learning to share:)
What continues: She is working Mon-Tues until 3, Wed until 12 and Thurs-Fri until 5.
She will be working with the bells again at Ascension.
To Consider:
I have been thinking about birthday shopping for next year (2011). Now that the 4th generation is arriving, I think the 2nd and 3rd generations should end birthday gifts. (Cards are still welcome!) That way you 3rd generation folks can purchase for nieces and nephews instead of aunts and uncles. Baby gifts and kid books are much more fun than black socks and wooden spoons!!:)
To Share:
I'm not very philosophical so here are a couple of tidbits from other writers.
(1)Tell people that there are 400 billion stars and they'll believe you. Tell them a bench has wet paint and they'll have to touch it. (2) Sign posted in a school cafeteria: Shoes are Required to Eat in the Cafeteria. Handwritten underneath:
Socks can eat wherever they like. (3) What do you call a cat that sings just like Pavarotti? Mewsical. (4) A man was greeted by his wife, who always had a cheerful word for him when he came home from work. "Guess what?" she said. "of our five children, four of them did not break an arm today!"
Have a good week!. Love Vicki and Tim
8.30.2010
Representing the Eastern Hemisphere....
Being here nearly a year has made it hard to identify what qualifies as important information. Obviously posting gives an opportunity to recap the big events of the past year and I’ll try to do my best. If you’re interested in more short term analysis feel free to check my blog at andrewshooktoafrica.blogspot.com. Also, I’m not sure if we can, but I enjoy putting together a reading list of blogs with my Google account. It has said that our blog isn’t one that can be read in such a way. Also, I may not have looked hard enough but I see other people post as themselves but I cannot, what am I doing wrong? Anyway, minor technical stuff, not a terribly big issue. Onto the real post!
It’s hard to describe the experience of truly living in another country. In many ways it is no different than home and in other ways it is as different as I can imagine. Learning Kiswahili (the Swahili way of saying the language) has been more of a challenge than I expected. I had hoped that I would be functionally fluent by now but I’m realizing just how far one has to go to achieve that. It makes me feel better to say my path to my current situation was somewhat to blame, as every place I’ve been Swahili has been a secondary priority with an English speaking host family and an assignment where it’s in my student’s best interest to speak absolutely no Swahili to them. In reality, it has been a secondary priority of mine as well, but I’m attempting to change that. Ninahitaji kufanya mazoezi kila siku kwa muda mrefu, halafu nitajua sana.
The teaching has been an interesting challenge. It was my luck to be assigned to a place, as a math teacher, where their biggest need was Physics at the highest level for secondary school here. That physics course is a watered down version of the two I took my sophomore year at Cornell. Point of interest: my worst class at Cornell was my second semester sophomore year Physics course. So basically I’ve been reteaching myself what I failed to learn in college, which is a surprising amount. Although, I’ve also been learning what it truly means to study. There is no test of your command of a topic better then teaching others the topic. So that’s a skill I had to learn eventually, ironic it happened after college. However, recently another teacher has stepped in to take my classes in the short term while waiting for a posting at another school. That leaves me with two math classes and a LOT of time on my hands. I’m working in the library too trying to improve the situation before we move the facility to a new room.
Time is one of those things that you find an immense abundance of or a complete lack of (just like home remember!) and Tanzania has a way of edging itself towards the excess of time. I’ve read way more than I ever used to (monthly Animorph books at 16 pt fonts not included). Granted, four of those books have been the Twilight Series (thanks for guilting me Hannah) but the other 13 were all legit! I’m currently working on a sci-fi series referred to as the Uplift novels. I’ve read two and they’re quite satisfying! In the media realm I’ve acquired quite the collection of movie/tv show entertainment. I’ve been intermixing new materials with rewatching my favorites. I’ve developed a strong affinity to the Sci-Fi channel show Eureka and Chuck has been my favorite show since approximately its third episode. I’ll just leave it at this, I thought college was the ideal place for the trading of entertainment material but I suppose the missing ingredient is the trapped in a foreign culture because the collection between the volunteers is massive!
Despite what it may seem, my spare time has been quite productive at times. I am cooking for myself way more than I did in college. I think it stems from the fact that there is no supermarket with heatable dinners here. Everything is made from scratch and if you want something good you have to work for it. In doing so, I’ve found I like cooking, especially when there are multiple people to do it. I think my most impressive food creations (in no particular order) are the lasagna, full size (and toppings) pizza, scalloped potatoes, and fully flavored stir fry that I have on occasion. My meals are steadily improving in consistent quality so that’s a plus! Unfortunately the amount of time the dishes sit clean is rapidly declining. My other fairly successful use of spare time has been the creation of a transit plan for the city of Wichita, to improve the bus system around town and make it more useful. Like any development thing I dream up, it’s probably way too expensive but for the first time, I feel like I actually correctly paired needs and assets with results. If you’re interested in reading it, I can get a copy to my parents, if they don’t already have one.
In keeping with the spirit of general summary, the area I am in is absolutely gorgeous. It is a valley that is trapped by mountains north of something like the 9th largest lake in the world. We get rain a lot and occasionally we get RAIN. There was a week in April where it literally did not stop raining and it wasn’t just drizzle or mist, it rained the entire time. I’ve read we get nearly 3 meters of rain a year which is quite impressive. But the result is some of the most luscious nature I have ever seen. I know places that are so thick with jungle you couldn’t pass through without a chainsaw and still I know others with a view that rivals any overlook you have ever seen. If you sift through the pictures I have up on my blog you can get an idea. It’s a beautiful place to say the least.
Bringing the focus in a little bit in terms of time, we just welcomed our new Health and Environment volunteers. The 7 newbies (that no longer refers to me!) just completed their 9 week training and are facing that daunting process of finishing out their house so it becomes their home. I was elected to be the VAC representative (Volunteer Advisory Council) and will serve for most of 2011. I’m really looking forward to having an impact on the volunteer experience. I can’t imagine I’ll be moving any mountains but I’m going to take it seriously. The library process is continuing but it’s going at a Tanzanian pace which is affording me the opportunity to consolidate my inventory into an excel spreadsheet which is giving me ideas for a check out system if a computer is available. I got a suit made last week. A custom tailored suit for a total of 31K Tanzanian Shillings, slightly over 20 bucks I think. I’m excited to start using it! We’ll see how it works (and if it stays together!). I suppose the big news for the area is that the president of Tanzania is coming tomorrow. We’re rolling into campaign season as we’re less than 2 months from election day (ironically also Halloween, go figure). Anyway, I’m curious to see (since it’s unlikely I’ll understand) the festivities tomorrow.
My two cats, Felix and Magellan, are doing quite well. They’re getting big, although that doesn’t stop them from assuming they can fit everywhere they used to. Felix enjoys sitting on the top of a window facing the west in the afternoon and forces himself between the screen and the glass yet somehow is able to work himself over to lay on his back so he can sun his belly. It’s amusing, but that’s the reason I got them (well their mother first but that’s a longer story), for the entertaining company.
That’s all I can think of for now. If you have a question about things, or if I forgot something that seems like important news, I’ll post something about it on my blog, just comment or send me an email etc. It’s great to hear what people are up to, as it has been a while! Also, if you have a spare 25-3500 and want to spend time in Tanzania, let me know! There is so much more to see here than is well known, which is amazing as the list is pretty spectacular to start with.
I hope things are going really well for all of you! Get well soon Grandpa!
God’s Blessings!
Andrew
PS. I was going to post a couple of pictures but they wouldn't load tonight. They were mostly repeats from my blog so you can jump over if you want to look at them!
It’s hard to describe the experience of truly living in another country. In many ways it is no different than home and in other ways it is as different as I can imagine. Learning Kiswahili (the Swahili way of saying the language) has been more of a challenge than I expected. I had hoped that I would be functionally fluent by now but I’m realizing just how far one has to go to achieve that. It makes me feel better to say my path to my current situation was somewhat to blame, as every place I’ve been Swahili has been a secondary priority with an English speaking host family and an assignment where it’s in my student’s best interest to speak absolutely no Swahili to them. In reality, it has been a secondary priority of mine as well, but I’m attempting to change that. Ninahitaji kufanya mazoezi kila siku kwa muda mrefu, halafu nitajua sana.
The teaching has been an interesting challenge. It was my luck to be assigned to a place, as a math teacher, where their biggest need was Physics at the highest level for secondary school here. That physics course is a watered down version of the two I took my sophomore year at Cornell. Point of interest: my worst class at Cornell was my second semester sophomore year Physics course. So basically I’ve been reteaching myself what I failed to learn in college, which is a surprising amount. Although, I’ve also been learning what it truly means to study. There is no test of your command of a topic better then teaching others the topic. So that’s a skill I had to learn eventually, ironic it happened after college. However, recently another teacher has stepped in to take my classes in the short term while waiting for a posting at another school. That leaves me with two math classes and a LOT of time on my hands. I’m working in the library too trying to improve the situation before we move the facility to a new room.
Time is one of those things that you find an immense abundance of or a complete lack of (just like home remember!) and Tanzania has a way of edging itself towards the excess of time. I’ve read way more than I ever used to (monthly Animorph books at 16 pt fonts not included). Granted, four of those books have been the Twilight Series (thanks for guilting me Hannah) but the other 13 were all legit! I’m currently working on a sci-fi series referred to as the Uplift novels. I’ve read two and they’re quite satisfying! In the media realm I’ve acquired quite the collection of movie/tv show entertainment. I’ve been intermixing new materials with rewatching my favorites. I’ve developed a strong affinity to the Sci-Fi channel show Eureka and Chuck has been my favorite show since approximately its third episode. I’ll just leave it at this, I thought college was the ideal place for the trading of entertainment material but I suppose the missing ingredient is the trapped in a foreign culture because the collection between the volunteers is massive!
Despite what it may seem, my spare time has been quite productive at times. I am cooking for myself way more than I did in college. I think it stems from the fact that there is no supermarket with heatable dinners here. Everything is made from scratch and if you want something good you have to work for it. In doing so, I’ve found I like cooking, especially when there are multiple people to do it. I think my most impressive food creations (in no particular order) are the lasagna, full size (and toppings) pizza, scalloped potatoes, and fully flavored stir fry that I have on occasion. My meals are steadily improving in consistent quality so that’s a plus! Unfortunately the amount of time the dishes sit clean is rapidly declining. My other fairly successful use of spare time has been the creation of a transit plan for the city of Wichita, to improve the bus system around town and make it more useful. Like any development thing I dream up, it’s probably way too expensive but for the first time, I feel like I actually correctly paired needs and assets with results. If you’re interested in reading it, I can get a copy to my parents, if they don’t already have one.
In keeping with the spirit of general summary, the area I am in is absolutely gorgeous. It is a valley that is trapped by mountains north of something like the 9th largest lake in the world. We get rain a lot and occasionally we get RAIN. There was a week in April where it literally did not stop raining and it wasn’t just drizzle or mist, it rained the entire time. I’ve read we get nearly 3 meters of rain a year which is quite impressive. But the result is some of the most luscious nature I have ever seen. I know places that are so thick with jungle you couldn’t pass through without a chainsaw and still I know others with a view that rivals any overlook you have ever seen. If you sift through the pictures I have up on my blog you can get an idea. It’s a beautiful place to say the least.
Bringing the focus in a little bit in terms of time, we just welcomed our new Health and Environment volunteers. The 7 newbies (that no longer refers to me!) just completed their 9 week training and are facing that daunting process of finishing out their house so it becomes their home. I was elected to be the VAC representative (Volunteer Advisory Council) and will serve for most of 2011. I’m really looking forward to having an impact on the volunteer experience. I can’t imagine I’ll be moving any mountains but I’m going to take it seriously. The library process is continuing but it’s going at a Tanzanian pace which is affording me the opportunity to consolidate my inventory into an excel spreadsheet which is giving me ideas for a check out system if a computer is available. I got a suit made last week. A custom tailored suit for a total of 31K Tanzanian Shillings, slightly over 20 bucks I think. I’m excited to start using it! We’ll see how it works (and if it stays together!). I suppose the big news for the area is that the president of Tanzania is coming tomorrow. We’re rolling into campaign season as we’re less than 2 months from election day (ironically also Halloween, go figure). Anyway, I’m curious to see (since it’s unlikely I’ll understand) the festivities tomorrow.
My two cats, Felix and Magellan, are doing quite well. They’re getting big, although that doesn’t stop them from assuming they can fit everywhere they used to. Felix enjoys sitting on the top of a window facing the west in the afternoon and forces himself between the screen and the glass yet somehow is able to work himself over to lay on his back so he can sun his belly. It’s amusing, but that’s the reason I got them (well their mother first but that’s a longer story), for the entertaining company.
That’s all I can think of for now. If you have a question about things, or if I forgot something that seems like important news, I’ll post something about it on my blog, just comment or send me an email etc. It’s great to hear what people are up to, as it has been a while! Also, if you have a spare 25-3500 and want to spend time in Tanzania, let me know! There is so much more to see here than is well known, which is amazing as the list is pretty spectacular to start with.
I hope things are going really well for all of you! Get well soon Grandpa!
God’s Blessings!
Andrew
PS. I was going to post a couple of pictures but they wouldn't load tonight. They were mostly repeats from my blog so you can jump over if you want to look at them!
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